Maybe She's using the Herbal!

     I've been wondering all week what I would write about but what pressed on my mind was the appointment I had scheduled for today to get my copper IUD removed... I chose this particular birth control method a year ago because it is non-hormonal. If you remember my last post, you'll know that I had taken myself off of hormonal birth control as a way to keep as many toxins out of my body as I could possibly control.
    After learning the copper in the IUD creates a fluid in the uterus to act as a natural spermicide with an inflammatory response that prevents fertilization from taking place, I understood why I'd been having so much discomfort in the following days of alone time with my love...  It might have been something I should have researched before getting the intrauterine devise but I've noticed a tendency I have to learn about something after I've already jumped into it... maybe I like it that way... the idea is bringing a smile to my face :)
   Anyway, the idea of having Irvin's children brings my heart so much overwhelming joy! I can already feel and imagine the love and joy on the faces of our welcoming family toward any little angel we create- we knew just a couple weeks after meeting that that is where we wanted our love to take us. But, because we still want some time to ourselves, we have been on the fence about how to go about birth control and still enjoy each other the way we have been. I ended up rescheduling my appointment and have been researching Natural birth control using herbs. I know this planet of ours must offer something that will assist in planning! I also found some interesting facts about neem working as a natural, reversible anti-fertility pill for men! Fun, huh!?
   Irvin has been a huge (yet understandably resistant) supporter of the decision to get the contraceptive devise removed, reminding me of the dangers of copper toxicity and how much better I will feel, also the fact that it could be life threatening to me and a baby if I did get pregnant.  So I am excited and eager to turn towards a more natural method of birth control without giving up my marital privileges!
   My intention is to create and maintain my healthiest self; physically, spiritually and emotionally, so when we are ready -we will feel ready. And, in my heart, I know if we get a baby Avilez despite our efforts it will be because they are ready before we think we are.

I love not being afraid.
I love the playfulness of this new adventure
I love the courage I feel in my gut
I love the generous love of our families
I love sharing this with you
I love trusting my intuition
I love trusting in all that is.

Take a moment to honor whatever you are feeling, remember you are worthy of your desires and that it is okay to feel good or not. You are love, you are light, you are kind and you are beautiful!

16 Months Pregnant... Part 1

Sixteen months without a period?
I don't know if I'm ready for this post but in honor of how positively I've been working and the fact that I'm beginning to bleed after a much needed nap, I decided this is the life event I wanted to reflect on a bit. :)
What would it mean to you, as a 24 year old, if you haven't had your period for more than 3 months? 6 months? 10 months? 16 months? Come to think of it, I didn't have a period my entire 23rd year!
I'd first lost it in March of 2014 (funny because around that same time I thought I might have quite literally been going insane (extra funny because I did an Insanity Beach body Instructor Training that month!)) and I know exactly why!  I was overworking, unhappy, insecure, unhealthy, ashamed, sleep deprived and afraid. I didn't know I was all of these things and I take full responsibility for them now because everything that cased those emotions led to my happiness today. With my missing period, my body was trying to tell me, "Hey, Olivia. I love you. But you are not ready to reproduce; no egg has a chance to survive in these conditions, so I'm not gonna drop any."  Thanks body...
If you look up causes of amenorrhea you'll find a few reasons that might have made sense for me.
 Of course my first thought would be pregnancy. I decided to end my birth control streak after 5 years about 6 months before I lost my period. This was one of my beginning efforts to control and eliminate the toxins that I take in. A part of me still wonders if I'd actually gotten pregnant but (because the lack of support I was receiving from my partner at time) the idea of needing to get an abortion shook me like a 9.0 earthquake. It felt like that amount of stress alone could have caused a miscarriage. And it had it's lasting effects.
It took me a while to figure that out. When you're in the state of mind, with that amount of stress, that got you thinking you need to overwork in the first place, it's challenging to relax.
I ended up seeing an unexpected angel doctor in May of 2014, who related my symptoms to the MTHFR gene mutation. I tested positively for one copy of c677t. This condition is complex and could mean something different for everyone with one or two copies of either c677t or a1298c, or one of each or two of both.
The simplest way to explain what this means for me is that my body doesn't have the full capacity to brake down and assimilate B-vitamins which play an important role in keeping our bodies running like well-oiled machines. These essential nutrients help convert our food into fuel, allowing us to stay energized throughout the day, especially B-12. They are also responsible for helping us to eliminate toxins, keeping the nervous system healthy, helping us to manage stress, and sleep at night, etc.! 

Notice that the majority of the best sources come from meat... did I mention at the time I was diagnosed I'd been a few months into stubbornly trying to eat a Vegan diet, in an effort to prove that it is possible and I could save the planet -all on my own? Okay... so just after finding out I had this gene mutation, there wasn't a whole lot of information on the web about it available because it was a fairly new discovery in the medical industry, plus I was too caught up in my worry that nothing actually changed in my lifestyle for almost a year. I experienced the worst depression of my life that summer, stressing over my acne, bloat/constipation, poor body image, an unhappy relationship (toward myself and others) and the fact that I wasn't getting my period. With the idea of PCOS going through my mind, which strongly encourages a reduction in animal protein and diary, I was eating even less and less natural B-vitamins and more of the synthetic (toxic) B-vitamins. Completely consumed with my pity, how could I have seen any kind light?

This is Whats Working

I was really excited to be invited, feeling a little wonderfully girlish in the anticipation of it:

I was invited to attend a doTERRA party hosted by Kristen, a wonderful yogini who practices with me at  BYP-CV. Melanie was there, another yogini and friend of Kristen who practices with us. She is looking fantastic; you can see it in her smile! During the party, Melanie mentioned that things have been working for her but she isn't sure if its the Yoga, the essential oils, or what. It reminded me of my on-going journey to wellness sometime after losing my period and finding out about the MTHFR gene mutation.

I decided to say YES to wellness; YES to enjoying food and movement; YES to quality of life; YES to me. Isn't it great that when you start saying yes, more ways to stay well present themselves?!

So, it doesn't matter where you start, be it:

*eating more greens, 

*taking cold showers, 

*walking the dogs, 

*drinking kombucha,
*filtering the water in our home,

 *taking your methylcobalamin, 

*washing your glass tupperwear

*writing in your journal,

 *laughing and loving with others,

 *looking in the mirror and telling yourself you're a divine being,

 *smelling your essential oils, 

*ext.

 It all plays a roll in your wellness; all tools to help you find your happiest, healthiest self. And, it is all possible because you say YES to wellness; because you care and because you love- not only yourself but your family, your friends, your home and your world.

From my journal:

I understand why it's so important to know your journal is private; meant for your eyes only and maybe those special someones you feel comfortable sharing with. *wink*

There is a freedom here on the page of our journals. This freedom allows us to say anything we mean or don't mean without judgment. You are free to make mistakes. You're free to change your mind. You are free to spell every werd rong. and have the wrost grammer-

But, as with all practices, what we write has the power to shape us. The safest way to insure you are setting yourself up for those "good vibes" you might want is to 

write about what good vibes feel like to you.

Pick a subject to write about and let all the good vibes you can naturally feel flow out of you onto the page. When the flow stops, let your self take a break or write about a new subject with naturally flowing vibes. This is about practicing with good form; not forcing anything. Really allow yourself to feel what is coming forth. Just like with a physical practice we want to listening to our body; but here we are listening to our emotions and listening to our heart. <3

My favorite topics to write about are usually Irvin, our home, clean water, physical practice, and nature.

What are you saying yes to in your practice, today?

"Whose job is it to forgive?"

I'm writing a new story for myself. I see myself as a consistent creative with fire on my fingertips writing my next blog post, but all week I found myself, not forgetting my journal, ignoring my journal- even though it was written on my planner that I would be in bed and writing by 8pm on at least 3 of the nights this past week!

I love sharing with you though that time has not been wasted! I've been meditating daily, the house is staying clean, and I'm feeling fitter than I have in a while! I was finally pulled to my journal after helping my loving hubband get ready for work yesterday morning...

I don't do everything right...

       Sometimes I hold back from saying what it is I really want, putting my happiness aside for the sake of my own idea of what might make some other person happy - Irvin's reminder rings in my ears 'say what you want.'  It gets easier with practice. It really isn't any other person's job to figure it out for me. It is my privilege; my freedom; my pleasure to decide for myself! I feel so much lighter remembering that it isn't my responsibility to figure out what will make anyone else happy either! I feel more comfortable with myself if I can do what makes me happy- and if others find joy or pleasure in their presence with me- GREAT!

I realized this morning that something has been going on in relations to why the house has been so clean and why I haven't been spending the time I'd intended to on my writing. 

Part of my practice is to not ask for anything.-Yes, this may be puzzling after that last paragraph, but please keep in mind the difference between asking and saying.  Why don't I want to ask for anything?  In the teachings of Abraham Hicks, Ester's words remind me that 'everything is always working out for me,' so my idea is that I don't actually need to ask for anything.  I only have to do the work of finding reasons to be happy and deliberate about my intention to be happy and everything that comes into my reality will be something I truly want- whether I knew it or not. Last night, I asked Irvin to wash his dishes before going to bed. We'd decided that we wanted to keep the house clean but I was expecting him to say 'no.' and I got one.

 It was bedtime for us and I love so much that he understands the importance of a good night's rest.  

I'd been bumming out on myself after we'd meet up for sushi earlier because I forgot to ask for his dishes to wash with the others when I got home. I wanted to do them! But when I made him a smoothie this morning his cup was still dirty- I started cleaning it and shot him a look of frustration and disappointment. "Don't look at me with that ugly face," he said.

I apologized immediately and admitted what I'd realized was going on. I didn't want to see the frustration and disappointment I had towards myself for deliberately ignoring my journal, my intention. Who would want to see that face anyway? This reminds me of my teacher, Jayne, asking me, "How do you want to be perceived?" I AM accepting. I AM satisfied. I AM creative in the midst of all the chaos that I create. 

I'm thinking now that this was my strategy for the week.
I'm also accomplishing a lot of what I've been wanting to do; meditating, walking the doggies, keeping the house clean, having fun with my husband, and I'm writing when it feels right!

I forgive myself for finding this challenging! I love myself for finding this opportunity to grow. 

Service

More and more I've found myself encouraged to share what is in my heart. I set up a goal to publish weekly and I'm finding the amount of content that's within me to be overwhelming... my practice is to appreciate it. Purely. This will be a great opportunity to grow as a communicator as there are many words that I don't know how to spell or don't know the exact meaning of! Here is how google translates 'Purely'

Expecting to publish a blog post, I made a journal entry this past Monday on what pure appreciation is to me. I was sitting at the Koffi Shop in Rancho Mirage between Yoga gigs at the Ritz. It was pouring rain outside!

What is pure appreciation? Is it a cleanliness; is it without expectation? For me, yes & no- 

We should expect to feel good about having that thankfulness and understanding inside of us.

Expect to find a release in tension of the eyebrows and scalp; a softening of the cheeks; the mouth curling upward at each edge; maybe you secretly let go of a little fart.

I tend to focus my appreciation on what is beautiful in my space, in my immediate reality and in the vast world - both are a part of me and I am a part of both.

...

The rain is so beautiful it makes me want to cry, we have had more rain this season than I can remember in almost two decades. I've also been crying many more happy tears than I can ever remember. 

When I feel myself upset for whatever reason, I choose to think about all the wonderful things that have been going on in my life; all the new joys, the new discoveries, the same family, the same treasures so my heart fills with love and I cry from that state of pure appreciation.

 ...

As I was sitting in the Koffi Shop I felt peaceful and safe even with an abrupt cowboy racing ringtone sounding off. I wondered if I would have noticed it if I was 'Purely Zen'. But I wouldn't be human if I was 'Purely Zen' because Zen by definition is a Japanese school of Mahayana Buddhism emphasizing the value of meditation and intuition. I believe these are great values by the way.
...
Because I am human, I am aware; I can decide to be kind- I can take action and move my body in a respectful way. I can hold doors open for those who need help, like the gentleman coming back in from taking his phone call. I feel pure appreciation for my body's ability to move this way in this moment.

I'm aware; I can decide to be kind- I can stop and listen to a stranger tell me their story. I feel pure appreciation for what I learn about the world I'm living in through another human's words. How wonderful it is to be experiencing this sift towards healing! Earlier this morning, a beautiful woman by the name of Ava attended my Yoga class that the Rancho Mirage Ritz-Carlton offers. She had her friendly licensed service dog, Cosmo Kramer, by her side. She looked like a perfectly healthy lady, but she had multiple conditions that I can't exactly remember, one being P.T.S.D. I do remember her saying that she had a devise inside of her that alerted Cosmo Kramer of her heart rate and pain level and his service was to help her relax! 

Thinking about it now Cosmo Kramer and I currently share a similar purpose in our lives!

She was excited to explain that there is a medical doctor turning people away from pharmaceuticals because we don't know about the long term effects these drugs will have. He is turning his P.T.S.D. patients away from the companies who will pay him to prescribe their drugs and instead turning them towards Yoga to ease their symptoms.

How fantastic is that!!!

I tell myself, "See the beauty you want to be in the world. Gandhi says, 'Be the change you want to see in the world'. Be the eyes that see a beautiful world with pure appreciation, love, compassion and kindness."