The three words you need practice if you want to sabotage your intuition

Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda.

I shoulda done this instead!
I could've done that differently!
If I'd have known, I woulda done that!

These words will haunt someone who doesn't trust their actions or their intuition. These words taste like vomit in the mouth of someone who lives in regret. Someone who says these words repeatedly has fear charging through every single one of the gazillion cells in their body.
This person was me a couple of years ago.
The simplest way I could describe the sensation that manifested in my body because of these words was a never-ending feeling of buyer's remorse - like everything I did was a mistake. It's that feelin' some people get after making a big purchase, like a car or a house... or a horse.
And when I say I felt like everything I did was a mistake, I mean everything!

This feeling came from:

• Purchases I made- affecting my sense of security. "I coulda gone without a phone last month..."
• How I chose to spend my free time- affecting my sense of creativity. "I would've had fun, if..."
• What I wanted to eat- upsetting my digestive system "I shoulda stopped eating sooner..."
• Who I chose to love- rattling up my heart "I wouldn't've tried so hard if..."
• What I would say- choaking up my communication "I should've said this instead..."
• How I listened- fuzzing up my intuition The "shoulda-coulda-woulda's" stood in the way here.
• And all of this influenced my ability to connect with a higher power or with my Self.

Symptoms

My body hurt, I was breaking out and I lost my period. My mind hurt, I wasn't sleeping and my hair was falling out. My heart hurt, and I was constantly fighting back tears. I was overwhelmed!

I really felt like I was dying in those years not too long ago... but I had to do something different. In fact, I had to do everything differently. What can you do? Where can you go when you are spiraling down a funnel of fear, doubt, and regret? 

A Cure

Just stopping sounds easy enough but it's not. Just focusing sounds easy enough but it's not. 

We must own it- our choices- and, actually, this is much easier than regretting them or fearing the repercussions. This is a practice and it takes time. The practice consists of coming back to the here and now where there is no regret (the poison of the past) or fear (the poison of the future). In the here and now there is only opportunity. The practice consists also of compassion and owning the truth that you are free to change your mind.

When we own the feeling that comes from a good or bad decision we can now face the opportunity of continuing to spiral in regret or learn from the situation. Either of these will serve you in one way or another, but how is it serving you? You choose.

"You never get it wrong and you never get it done" -Abraham Hicks

If you are overwhelmed with the shoulda-coulda-woulda's, know that you are not alone and this is not forever. If you've read this, you are on your path to a healthier you and I'm here if you choose to trust me as a coach.

In love and wellness, 

Olivia Marie 

Challenges

Blogging from my phone this week. We decided to stay at my mom's while the house is getting rented out to Coachella-festians... It was a challenge deciding where to go, we had a few welcoming invitations to choose from! My brother has an extra casita and Irvin's mom, Lupi, is always warm and welcoming! But because my mom's is the closest to work and the pups feel happy there, we decided to camp at the Leschnik's. We feel oh-so-cozy and have been flooded with fond memories! It was challenging to remember everything I would need to bring from our house (like the laptop charger), what to lock up in the garage and what to leave in the house! This is the first time we've ever rented out the whole space for a weekend! Lets see how it goes! Because this morning I was challenged by someone in intense way (that would be ugly to get into here), I was compelled to suggest to this person that they might be considerate of other people's feelings (and because our suggestions serve us best- I'm challenging myself to be more considerate.)
Our challenges are showing themselves everywhere and sometimes we ask for them. I'm also challenging myself daily to #BeTheDifference for the 21 day Kindness challenge with DoTERRA- today, day 11, is all about letting go. And I'm doing Oprah & Deepak's 21 day Meditation challenge for finding Hope in uncertain times- today, day 5, had the centering thought, "I have every hope in the world." perfect timing too! After yesterday's meditation, I wrote:

I hope that I can let go, trust and show my appreciation for where I am. I feel my dark layers of insecurity falling away to reveal my true light, ease and kindness. I love being reminded that I don't need to worry. Worry will take you away from the present moment. So don't worry. Stay present.
Smile in the face of uncertainty and he is bound to smile back! Smile because you can have this effect on almost anyone but mostly smile because it feels good! And it is good to feel good. We can have hope and trust in what we desire. We have no time to think about what we don't want or complain when we stay focused on the present moment. Fear, worry, anxiety can disolve when you let go and appreciate what is happening in the here and now~ it's really all we have. The present moment shows us our gifts. We exist, we have eachother, we have love, we have freedom, we have creative potential, we have this planet, we have health, we have hope.

I love these challenges -our challenges are opportunities to grow, and shine as we become more of ourselves.

Do you see your challenges as set backs or opportunities? Comment below or share with a friend who deserves a present moment!

To boost your Immune System- Ice is Nice

I would consider myself a diligent wellness seeker because I know that "dis-eases" such as, ahem, cancer, diabetes, heart disease and many others seem to be the top life-zappers lurking around these days!
Don't be alarmed because there are plenty ways to arm yourself against these life-zappers. *Note: the term life-zappers~ if you, dear reader, have any of these diseases you're still alive but the quality of life that you live has surely changed. Good thing:

Change is Constant ~ Love Persists

I went on a hike this week up Frank Sinatra to appreciate that last bit of snow that somehow managed to make it to April. Our desert is returning to it's usual crispiness in this change of season.

This week's post is inspired by my friend, Marsha, who I have only ever seen at Sprout's Farmers Market with her husband Bill... When I last ran into her, I found that she is doing her best to fight breast cancer without traditional, pharmaceutical methods. I think we clicked because we believe in a more natural way of living! Because of my profession in the fitness industry, the questions she asked me were along the lines of how to change her external appearance as she has noticed change in the last couple of months around the skin on her arms and receding backside. 

I mentioned that DoTERRA provides Immortalle which help to reduce the appearance of wrinkles and that I'd hoped she'd call me to set up an appointment. Exercises that energize the root charkra and strength the booty are some of my favorite!

I hope I always remember that:

Our beauty, our strength, our power, our health, our peace, it all comes from within! 

We can access all of it with desire, knowledge and practice :)

The Eight Edition of Modern Essentials quotes:

"It is estimated that 95% of cancers result from damage to DNA during a person's lifetime rather than from a pre-existing genetic condition (American Cancer Society, 2008). The most important factor leading to this DNA damage is DNA mutation. DNA mutation can be caused by radiation, environmental chemicals we take into our bodies, free radical damage, or DNA copying or division errors. If the body is working properly, it can correct these mutations either by repairing the DNA or by causing the mutated cell to die. When the DNA mutation is severe enough that it allows the cell to bypass these controls, however, the mutated DNA can be copied to new cells that continue to replicate and create more and more new cells uncontrollably, leading to cancerous growth within an individual."
This is such good news because their is a plethora of wonderful things we can do to strengthen the body and help it come back to proper working order. Including a few of these:

 Have a Giggle

- Because laughter is the best medicine 

Sing Your way Healthy

- I love this one. Did you know chanting/singing is great to do during meditation?

Choose Friendly Fats

- like olive oil in Salad or pasture-raised butter(meaning grass-fed outdoor- rather than in a barn) in your coffee

Stay away from Sugar

- guess who loves sugar more than you do? Cancer and Parasites!

Get moving

- Getting the blood pumping and flowing consistently is a sure fire way to spark change for the better!

Cold showers!

- even dealing with what might be uncomfortable for just a minute at the end of your regular shower will help you to strengthen your mitochondria (these little guys live in your cells) so if the mitochondria can handle a minute or more of a cold shower a day they will strengthen your cells, if they can't handle it, the cells will die, so your left with more stronger cells!
It took a while for me to... warm-up to them... but I'm loving my daily cold shower!

DoTERRA Essential Oils
-as an alternative to treat in, on and around your body and clean your home!
Listen to your body
-rest when you need to
Appreciate where you are
-make sure you are in the here and now so you can find the next necessary step. 

*Disclaimer: Talk to your physician if you are having any health issues! I am not a doctor :)

Maybe She's using the Herbal!

     I've been wondering all week what I would write about but what pressed on my mind was the appointment I had scheduled for today to get my copper IUD removed... I chose this particular birth control method a year ago because it is non-hormonal. If you remember my last post, you'll know that I had taken myself off of hormonal birth control as a way to keep as many toxins out of my body as I could possibly control.
    After learning the copper in the IUD creates a fluid in the uterus to act as a natural spermicide with an inflammatory response that prevents fertilization from taking place, I understood why I'd been having so much discomfort in the following days of alone time with my love...  It might have been something I should have researched before getting the intrauterine devise but I've noticed a tendency I have to learn about something after I've already jumped into it... maybe I like it that way... the idea is bringing a smile to my face :)
   Anyway, the idea of having Irvin's children brings my heart so much overwhelming joy! I can already feel and imagine the love and joy on the faces of our welcoming family toward any little angel we create- we knew just a couple weeks after meeting that that is where we wanted our love to take us. But, because we still want some time to ourselves, we have been on the fence about how to go about birth control and still enjoy each other the way we have been. I ended up rescheduling my appointment and have been researching Natural birth control using herbs. I know this planet of ours must offer something that will assist in planning! I also found some interesting facts about neem working as a natural, reversible anti-fertility pill for men! Fun, huh!?
   Irvin has been a huge (yet understandably resistant) supporter of the decision to get the contraceptive devise removed, reminding me of the dangers of copper toxicity and how much better I will feel, also the fact that it could be life threatening to me and a baby if I did get pregnant.  So I am excited and eager to turn towards a more natural method of birth control without giving up my marital privileges!
   My intention is to create and maintain my healthiest self; physically, spiritually and emotionally, so when we are ready -we will feel ready. And, in my heart, I know if we get a baby Avilez despite our efforts it will be because they are ready before we think we are.

I love not being afraid.
I love the playfulness of this new adventure
I love the courage I feel in my gut
I love the generous love of our families
I love sharing this with you
I love trusting my intuition
I love trusting in all that is.

Take a moment to honor whatever you are feeling, remember you are worthy of your desires and that it is okay to feel good or not. You are love, you are light, you are kind and you are beautiful!

16 Months Pregnant... Part 1

Sixteen months without a period?
I don't know if I'm ready for this post but in honor of how positively I've been working and the fact that I'm beginning to bleed after a much needed nap, I decided this is the life event I wanted to reflect on a bit. :)
What would it mean to you, as a 24 year old, if you haven't had your period for more than 3 months? 6 months? 10 months? 16 months? Come to think of it, I didn't have a period my entire 23rd year!
I'd first lost it in March of 2014 (funny because around that same time I thought I might have quite literally been going insane (extra funny because I did an Insanity Beach body Instructor Training that month!)) and I know exactly why!  I was overworking, unhappy, insecure, unhealthy, ashamed, sleep deprived and afraid. I didn't know I was all of these things and I take full responsibility for them now because everything that cased those emotions led to my happiness today. With my missing period, my body was trying to tell me, "Hey, Olivia. I love you. But you are not ready to reproduce; no egg has a chance to survive in these conditions, so I'm not gonna drop any."  Thanks body...
If you look up causes of amenorrhea you'll find a few reasons that might have made sense for me.
 Of course my first thought would be pregnancy. I decided to end my birth control streak after 5 years about 6 months before I lost my period. This was one of my beginning efforts to control and eliminate the toxins that I take in. A part of me still wonders if I'd actually gotten pregnant but (because the lack of support I was receiving from my partner at time) the idea of needing to get an abortion shook me like a 9.0 earthquake. It felt like that amount of stress alone could have caused a miscarriage. And it had it's lasting effects.
It took me a while to figure that out. When you're in the state of mind, with that amount of stress, that got you thinking you need to overwork in the first place, it's challenging to relax.
I ended up seeing an unexpected angel doctor in May of 2014, who related my symptoms to the MTHFR gene mutation. I tested positively for one copy of c677t. This condition is complex and could mean something different for everyone with one or two copies of either c677t or a1298c, or one of each or two of both.
The simplest way to explain what this means for me is that my body doesn't have the full capacity to brake down and assimilate B-vitamins which play an important role in keeping our bodies running like well-oiled machines. These essential nutrients help convert our food into fuel, allowing us to stay energized throughout the day, especially B-12. They are also responsible for helping us to eliminate toxins, keeping the nervous system healthy, helping us to manage stress, and sleep at night, etc.! 

Notice that the majority of the best sources come from meat... did I mention at the time I was diagnosed I'd been a few months into stubbornly trying to eat a Vegan diet, in an effort to prove that it is possible and I could save the planet -all on my own? Okay... so just after finding out I had this gene mutation, there wasn't a whole lot of information on the web about it available because it was a fairly new discovery in the medical industry, plus I was too caught up in my worry that nothing actually changed in my lifestyle for almost a year. I experienced the worst depression of my life that summer, stressing over my acne, bloat/constipation, poor body image, an unhappy relationship (toward myself and others) and the fact that I wasn't getting my period. With the idea of PCOS going through my mind, which strongly encourages a reduction in animal protein and diary, I was eating even less and less natural B-vitamins and more of the synthetic (toxic) B-vitamins. Completely consumed with my pity, how could I have seen any kind light?

This is Whats Working

I was really excited to be invited, feeling a little wonderfully girlish in the anticipation of it:

I was invited to attend a doTERRA party hosted by Kristen, a wonderful yogini who practices with me at  BYP-CV. Melanie was there, another yogini and friend of Kristen who practices with us. She is looking fantastic; you can see it in her smile! During the party, Melanie mentioned that things have been working for her but she isn't sure if its the Yoga, the essential oils, or what. It reminded me of my on-going journey to wellness sometime after losing my period and finding out about the MTHFR gene mutation.

I decided to say YES to wellness; YES to enjoying food and movement; YES to quality of life; YES to me. Isn't it great that when you start saying yes, more ways to stay well present themselves?!

So, it doesn't matter where you start, be it:

*eating more greens, 

*taking cold showers, 

*walking the dogs, 

*drinking kombucha,
*filtering the water in our home,

 *taking your methylcobalamin, 

*washing your glass tupperwear

*writing in your journal,

 *laughing and loving with others,

 *looking in the mirror and telling yourself you're a divine being,

 *smelling your essential oils, 

*ext.

 It all plays a roll in your wellness; all tools to help you find your happiest, healthiest self. And, it is all possible because you say YES to wellness; because you care and because you love- not only yourself but your family, your friends, your home and your world.

From my journal:

I understand why it's so important to know your journal is private; meant for your eyes only and maybe those special someones you feel comfortable sharing with. *wink*

There is a freedom here on the page of our journals. This freedom allows us to say anything we mean or don't mean without judgment. You are free to make mistakes. You're free to change your mind. You are free to spell every werd rong. and have the wrost grammer-

But, as with all practices, what we write has the power to shape us. The safest way to insure you are setting yourself up for those "good vibes" you might want is to 

write about what good vibes feel like to you.

Pick a subject to write about and let all the good vibes you can naturally feel flow out of you onto the page. When the flow stops, let your self take a break or write about a new subject with naturally flowing vibes. This is about practicing with good form; not forcing anything. Really allow yourself to feel what is coming forth. Just like with a physical practice we want to listening to our body; but here we are listening to our emotions and listening to our heart. <3

My favorite topics to write about are usually Irvin, our home, clean water, physical practice, and nature.

What are you saying yes to in your practice, today?

"Whose job is it to forgive?"

I'm writing a new story for myself. I see myself as a consistent creative with fire on my fingertips writing my next blog post, but all week I found myself, not forgetting my journal, ignoring my journal- even though it was written on my planner that I would be in bed and writing by 8pm on at least 3 of the nights this past week!

I love sharing with you though that time has not been wasted! I've been meditating daily, the house is staying clean, and I'm feeling fitter than I have in a while! I was finally pulled to my journal after helping my loving hubband get ready for work yesterday morning...

I don't do everything right...

       Sometimes I hold back from saying what it is I really want, putting my happiness aside for the sake of my own idea of what might make some other person happy - Irvin's reminder rings in my ears 'say what you want.'  It gets easier with practice. It really isn't any other person's job to figure it out for me. It is my privilege; my freedom; my pleasure to decide for myself! I feel so much lighter remembering that it isn't my responsibility to figure out what will make anyone else happy either! I feel more comfortable with myself if I can do what makes me happy- and if others find joy or pleasure in their presence with me- GREAT!

I realized this morning that something has been going on in relations to why the house has been so clean and why I haven't been spending the time I'd intended to on my writing. 

Part of my practice is to not ask for anything.-Yes, this may be puzzling after that last paragraph, but please keep in mind the difference between asking and saying.  Why don't I want to ask for anything?  In the teachings of Abraham Hicks, Ester's words remind me that 'everything is always working out for me,' so my idea is that I don't actually need to ask for anything.  I only have to do the work of finding reasons to be happy and deliberate about my intention to be happy and everything that comes into my reality will be something I truly want- whether I knew it or not. Last night, I asked Irvin to wash his dishes before going to bed. We'd decided that we wanted to keep the house clean but I was expecting him to say 'no.' and I got one.

 It was bedtime for us and I love so much that he understands the importance of a good night's rest.  

I'd been bumming out on myself after we'd meet up for sushi earlier because I forgot to ask for his dishes to wash with the others when I got home. I wanted to do them! But when I made him a smoothie this morning his cup was still dirty- I started cleaning it and shot him a look of frustration and disappointment. "Don't look at me with that ugly face," he said.

I apologized immediately and admitted what I'd realized was going on. I didn't want to see the frustration and disappointment I had towards myself for deliberately ignoring my journal, my intention. Who would want to see that face anyway? This reminds me of my teacher, Jayne, asking me, "How do you want to be perceived?" I AM accepting. I AM satisfied. I AM creative in the midst of all the chaos that I create. 

I'm thinking now that this was my strategy for the week.
I'm also accomplishing a lot of what I've been wanting to do; meditating, walking the doggies, keeping the house clean, having fun with my husband, and I'm writing when it feels right!

I forgive myself for finding this challenging! I love myself for finding this opportunity to grow.